I've talked with a couple people over the past few months about how they've started to learn more about their feminine energy (and masculine energy as a result) and some things have dawned on them around their sex lives.
I figured this was a great place to expand on a bit since understanding relationships and the inner dynamics that happen there is totally fascinating to me, and feminine and masculine energy play such a huge role in success with them.
If we want to break it down into some generalities about masculine and feminine energy we could use these words to describe them (and just a reminder this isn't referring to genders, this is just the expression of the general masculine or feminine energy because everyone, regardless of gender, has both) :
Directed, focus, mental, structure, action oriented, hard, fast, giving, outward
Radiating, flowing, body, feelings, slow, soft, intuition, sensual, receiving, inward
Just to get straight to the point, if you want to feel sexual attraction in your relationship, you need to be anchored in the opposite energy from your partner. This creates polarity.
In other words if you want to feel drawn to your partner you need to be coming from your feminine within the relationship (if that is your dominant energy you feel good in).
This also works to draw your partner to you as well.
But - I want to preface that with saying that you are not responsible for anyone's sexual desire but your own.
It is not up to you to make someone want you sexually. Your job is to feel as good as you can about you and love and honor yourself.
If you want to use the dynamics of masculine and feminine polarity to breathe some fire into your relationship, I say go for it. My goal here is to help you to understand things that can happen or that you may have experienced in relationships when a woman is disconnected from her feminine.
It's totally cool to be in your masculine as a women whenever you need to be. For your job, for mothering, for whatever.
But when you take that same energy of getting shit done, actively taking the lead, being in your head and disconnected from your body, giving giving giving, overanalyzing, trying to figure it out, accommodating, etc, into your relationship with a masculine partner - you then are taking the masculine role.
When a woman or feminine dominant person does this, one of two things usually happens.
One - their partner steps back and allows her to take most of the masculine energy role. She is already doing the job (amazingly of course, cause women can figure out how to do anything well), so why does he need to? So then both partners are in the masculine. Neither of them might really realize what is going on, but sex is a strugglebus or not happening at all.
Or two - the masculine dominant partner tries to switch into more of his feminine energy to balance the situation.
This could work for sexual attraction, which i'll explain below.
But in general, this causes the partners to feel frustration because the feminine partner isn't operating out of what makes her feel good naturally, and the masculine partner isn't operating out of what makes him feel good naturally.
She may feel he is being too feminine for her to feel attracted to him, and he may feel she is being too masculine for him to be attracted. Again with the sex issues.
When women take the lead in the relationship and come from their masculine energy, it allows their masculine partner to step back and not have to fully show up from their strong masculine selves.
The same thing happens if the masculine partner was constantly showing up in the relationship embodying feminine qualities, the feminine partner would feel the desire to step back as well.
In this overly masculine dynamic, the woman often feels like she has to do the work, she has to push the relationship along, she needs to find out where the fuck it's going or what the fuck is really going on, that maybe she isn't physically attractive enough or something is wrong with her (there isn't), she isn't feeling a sexual pull she hopes for from her partner, or maybe she feels like she could never have sex again and be totally fine with that.
And it makes sense that it would seem almost natural for women to end up in these situations. Women are almost entirely operating out of their masculine energy in our society because they have been raised to totally disconnect from their strong feminine because it is seen as weak or just completely misunderstood.
So many women do not even know what being feminine means. They mix it up and think it means being a feminist, or being super girly, or being whatever their mother was in their eyes.
And the patriarchal society we live in is a masculine paradigm that rewards more masculine, so women learn that to get ahead in anything, or even be acknowledged, they need to be in their masculine (or their toxic feminine and be hyper sexualized - which is a whole other discussion), further disconnecting them from strong feminine energy.
That being said, you are human and you have both energies within you. Your partner has both energies. Both are important to balance within yourself to have a balanced relationship outside of yourself. You just each have a dominant one in terms of love relationships, whichever one it might be.
If you feel best coming from your masculine energy, and he feels best coming from his feminine, that is a relationship that can totally 100% work.
Or perhaps you are a feminine dominant woman but with sex the situation that really gets you going is being in charge, with your partner being in more of a receiving mode. That can work great, too.
And sexual turn ons aren't static, so maybe one day you want this and he wants that and fill in the blank, it changes.
The bottom line is once you are in a partnership you can embody whatever energies feel good to you at anytime and it can be fluid, if that is what works for both of you. That is the magic of your particular partnership.
But for sexual attraction to be happening (baring other stuff like medical issues, deep resentments, etc) you need to figure out the energy you feel your best in and fucking radiate the shit out of that energy when it comes to your relationship.
This will start to create more polarity, and in turn, turn you on. And very likely your partner will follow suit.
And duh, I'm not saying you need to be a damsel in distress and expect your man to save you or something, or never make the first move, or any archaic gender roles like that.
But I am saying after the honeymoon wears off and compatibility is figured out, polarity is what creates and maintains sexual attraction.
There is so much I could talk about on this subject. Mostly because I used myself as a guinea pig over the past 3 years with the same dude and was able to see how drastically our relationship changed, and changed again, as I changed and started embodying my feminine more and more.
An amazing thing about being a feminine woman (#23,751) is the feminine is so powerful that as you connect more with it for yourself and start embodying it, enjoying it and experiencing the happiness and ease it can bring to your life, it naturally will draw the strong, healthy, masculine out of your partner.
You have the power to get connected to you, and polarize your partner in the process.
I would love to go deeper into this at some point instead of just giving generalities about polarity and attraction and skimming the surface. Maybe I will!
But until then, see you next week.