Self pleasure for self worth.
I posted a little bit about this on my instagram this week, but I wanted to expand on it here in my email.
I want to talk about how transformative masterbation has been for my self worth.
I don't think most people think those two things really go together. But I am 100% convinced they can.
And there are SO many angles of this that make sense that I could talk about...
*The fact that taking responsibility for your pleasure can lead you to take responsibility for your joy and happiness in other areas of your life.
*How pleasure in itself is deeply psychologically healing to trauma and disconnection.
*How you can rewire the neurological connections in your brain through pleasure and your vagus nerve.
*How shame is stored in your body and for women, it is often stored in your womb area, and masterbation and pleasure releases shame.
I could go on about the numerous reasons why it can change you and heal long held patterns...
....But I really just want to talk about the concrete, physical, practice of masterbation alone and the result of doing it often, without having any intention of healing shame or trauma. Just the intention of doing it and seeing if I felt different about me.
So back in August of last year I was working with connecting with my feminine energy through physical practices and mindset work, and I had learned a lot about Chakras so I was sort of starting to dive into the energetic side of all of this.
If you don't know what a Chakra is, it's basically an energy center located within your body. Think of it visually like a glowing orb or ball of light. If that immediately is too woo woo for you then you might check out for the rest of this email, but hear me out if you want to.
Humans have a physical body, but they also have an energetic body, too.
Our mainstream American society is still pretty slow to catch up on the energetic part, even though many, many, MANY other cultures have already figured this out throughout history. We will too eventually.
But we can't always be first I guess.
Our lack of accepting this is also due in part to the fact that a human having this invisible energetic body thing that could effect their "actual" physical body is a pretty feminine concept, and we don't exactly live in a society that embraces feminine.
It's the whole, "unless I can see it with my eyes or a microscope it's a bunch of bullshit" thought pattern.
Which is fine. Everybody catches up to the fact that reality exists beyond their own physical senses at their own pace.
But back to the Chakra thing. These Chakras are located in different areas of your body.
Each Chakra has connections with certain physical organs or systems in your body and also has connections to different emotional patterns and beliefs. There is a lot to unpack around Chakras that I won't go into here. Google them if you aren't familiar and want to learn more.
But what I learned was your 2nd Chakra, called the Sacral Chakra, the one that is located a few inches below your belly button (of course, in your womb space/or where your female reproductive organs are if you are female), is the one that has so much to do with your self worth, as well as the Chakra that deals with your personal sexual energy.
So while I didn't have any evidence of that area of my body where the 2nd Chakra lived having any "real" connection to my self worth, I had the idea that if I masterbated often and consistently, which would be activating my sexual energy and the energy of that chakra consistently, it would somehow do something for my self worth if there really was a connection.
Maybe that is a pretty clunky theory, but it made sense to me from a certain perspective.
I had already been looking very closely at my feelings of self worth, or lack thereof for months. Studying it. Trying to figure out what was in the way of truly getting deeply connected to it. So I had a pretty good handle on when it changed or grew or retreated and what situations and experiences effected it negatively and positively.
So as an experiment I decided to self pleasure for as many days as possible in a row and see if it did anything.
And holy shit it did.
It didn't happen overnight. But after about 6 weeks of self pleasure and coming to orgasm almost every day (there were 3-4 days I missed during that period) I started to feel very different about myself.
Boundaries I had had trouble maintaining and things I had trouble voicing and standing up for myself around started to feel easier.
The worry about how someone would receive something I had to tell them felt almost gone.
The reasons why I felt insecure about parts of myself (my small boobs, my flat butt, maybe i'm not funny enough, or interesting enough, etc) suddenly seemed ridiculous.
I could connect with why I had thought those things for so long, but now it just seemed silly for me to maintain those negative thoughts about myself because I was suddenly pretty sure they weren't true, or if they were true to someone else, fuck 'em.
I started wanting all of who I was to be seen and heard, and feeling almost like duh, I deserve that from the people in my life, why on earth didn't I realize that for so long?? Why did I think I something about me was so NOT ok?
And while there was still some fear around all of these things, that fear suddenly felt hallow, when it had felt overwhelming before. The desire to overcome these low self worth symptoms and to own who I really was became incredibly strong and drove me into new actions and behaviors.
So I kept going. I ended up self pleasuring for 3 months, missing about 10 days total during those 3 months.
By the end of the 3 months I had zero doubt that my self worth had significantly shifted.
Was it just a residual from having an orgasm almost everyday? On the surface it could look like that.
But I believe self pleasuring tapped into and repeatedly activated that 2nd Chakra energy.
It repeatedly energized my womb area, the area that holds your feminine energy, sexual energy, and is the storage area for your energetic self worth.
Now after 10 months since I first did the experiment I see that you can connect with that feminine/sexual/self worth energy through other ways, and it doesn't have to be through masterbation. But you can connect with it through that avenue because anytime you are connected to your sexual, sensual energy - you are connected to your feminine.
And any time you are connected to your feminine - you are connected to your self worth.
Anytime you are prioritizing that connection, you are cultivating your power as a woman.
What do you think? Would you ever try self pleasuring everyday for a month to see if it effects how you feel about yourself?
The last thing I want to mention is that masculine energy and feminine energy is different, which you know of course, but it is also different in this area as well.
I don't recommend a practice like this to men because generally when a man orgasm's they ejaculate and they are emptying themselves of their energy. When a woman orgasm's she doesn't have to empty herself of her energy.
You may have experienced this if you have ever had sex with a man. After he ejaculates he is ready to fall asleep in about 2 mins. He's done. He is spent. His energy is gone.
A woman can often feel more awake, energized, ready to keep going after orgasm, even when it feels like a release for her.
Women can build sexual energy through orgasm. Men can build sexual energy too, but it is built and cultivated when they do not ejaculate. It's an interesting topic. I wanted to mention this because I know there are a few men on this email list.
Until next week,