What's so wrong with being in your masculine?
Well, the short answer is nothing.
Nothing is wrong with it.
But you also have to look at context with that question to get a more in depth answer.
I had a few opportunities this week to work with this question so I thought it would make some good info for an email.
Everyone has both masculine and feminine energy.
It isn't wrong to be in one or the other. But most people have a dominant or primary energy, or "essence", that they feel best in.
And I say most because there are definitely people who feel their best when expressing both masculine and feminine energy pretty fluidly, with it changing on a daily basis, even hourly basis.
You can be a woman and have masculine be your dominant, primary energy. Just like you can be a man and have feminine be your dominant, primary energy. And both of those situations totally work. Both of those situations are totally healthy.
So how do you know what your primary energy is?
Normally I might say "you just know". But that is where I come in. Or I guess that is where these emails come in at least.
For a lot of feminine dominant women, they don't actually know. Through no fault of their own. They were raised with so little connection to true feminine energy that they don't even know what it is. They also could be surrounded by lower or "toxic" feminine (just like there is toxic masculinity, there is toxic femininity as well..more on that in a moment) energy and reject feminine almost completely, without understanding that what they are rejecting is not true femininity.
If you are someone who has a dominant essence you will know because you will feel your best expressing that energy most of the time, but especially in your intimate relationships.
When you are actively and consistently expressing an energy that is not your dominant essence, or expressing no essence at all and living in the neutral zone, you will not be able to sustain it longterm without major effort or negative side effects.
This means you will start to feel burned out.
You will go on autopilot.
You won't be feeling "alive" in your life or in your body.
You may feel little or maybe even no attraction to men (or women or whomever you normally feel sexual attraction for).
Certain aspects of your life will probably feel "really hard to figure out", "really difficult to make work", or just "exhausting/draining".
And it's not because any of those things aren't meant for you.
It just means the energy you connect yourself to effects your results.
Even if you are a primarily feminine energy, you will still want to access and connect to your masculine in different situations. It won't be gone from your life, and shouldn't be.
So masculine isn't bad, and feminine isn't bad, because you have both and can use them both.
What makes them "wrong" is an imbalance of either of them, an over identification with the one that isn't your primary, or perhaps using one energy in a situation where it's not going to get you the results you want. This could be a sexual polarity type situation that i've talked about in a previous message.
My focus is helping women learn about their feminine because most women don't understand it.
....which means they probably aren't connected to it.
...which can lead to them thinking their natural dominant energy is masculine.
....which leads them to being disempowered.
And that doesn't mean masculine energy itself is disempowering, it just means using that energy almost all the time is giving you access to only a limited part of who you really are, limited access to your gifts, and limited access to your depths of happiness.
I have a friend who is in a resistance to feminine energy.
First off I want to say this is normal, so if you are feeling that it's ok.
4 years ago when I read about feminine energy for the first time I was like, cool, that's interesting, but I don't think this applies to me...
What is that resistance about?
Here are the two things I find most common if you are resisting your feminine :
1. Overvaluing the masculine/undervaluing the feminine.
If good things in your life have happened because you went out and were in masculine mode to make them happen - and those good things are things you highly VALUE....like career, financial freedom, achievement - you will naturally value your masculine energy much more than your feminine. Because you have seen evidence of it working in your life and how it can be in alignment with some of your personal values.
And while you also might value things that you objectively associate with feminine energy like feeling good, self love, relationships, etc, you don't have enough evidence to back up that feminine energy really "works" in those areas, or in any area of your life, yet.
You might be "fine with feminine energy" but masculine energy is where most of your experience lies and it's the energy that makes the most sense to you. I mean, you were able to "make" everything else you want happen by being in your masculine, so why can't you just work harder and make things happen in all the other areas of your life, too?
2. You are a feminist and it's hard for you to see how feminine energy and feminism work together.
This is mostly based on a misunderstanding of what feminine energy is. There is a lot to unpack here, but I will try to keep it short.
Women get shit done. I want to be clear that women are the queens of getting shit done in every way possible. Women are amazing because we have learned to completely embody masculine energy to fit into the masculine paradigm to succeed. And what I mean by that is men built this world from their perspective, and they built it for other men.
Just look at public bathrooms as a minor example. Women take longer in the bathroom because we just work differently. So the lines are always longer. From a purely physical standpoint, we have to basically half undress ourselves to go pee and sit down to do it. It takes time. Men just have to unzip.
From an emotional standpoint bathrooms can also be places for us to take a breather and step away from a situation, or they can be a place to connect for a moment with ourselves or other women. There is an emotional component to bathrooms for women that is valid.
And women know these things very well. So why don't women's restrooms have more stalls (or at least be designed differently) if for no other reason than the fact we just physically take longer because our process is different?
Answer : Because our world is built from the masculine perspective.
So back to what I was saying...
Women have done what it takes to place themselves successfully in a world that was not built with them in mind, cause fuck yeah we have. And as a feminist I believe it is past time for us, for all of us who contribute in all of our different ways, to be treated accordingly and with respect and recognized for the value we bring to the world as much as men do.
And feminine energy is 100% in alignment with those beliefs.
True feminine energy is just that, an energy or essence you can express, regardless of gender or sex. Regardless of body parts.
It is often associated with the gender of being a woman, and I use the word woman 95% of the time in these emails too, while occasionally making sure to mention that my intention is for this information to be for anyone who identifies as being a primarily feminine energy dominant being.
But feminine energy is not exclusive to women. It's for everyone and anyone, because we all have it. And men or masculine dominant energy people need to learn about their feminine energy just as much as we do. But that is not a perspective I feel I can teach very well on right now. So my focus is on women because most of my experience lies there.
But my point is it's an energy first and foremost, and that energy more than anything else is about worth and value.
It is about acting from a place of knowing our worth and value. It is about seeing that worth and value in other women, but also in men and in everyone. And it is about respecting ourselves enough for it to be ok to be who we are and treat ourselves the way we deserve, and staying in relationships and situations with people that honor us and treat us that way as well.
The self care movement is a movement about feminine energy. It's about honoring and valuing ourselves.
The mainstream population often associates feminine energy with what is actually lower vibrational feminine energy, or "toxic" feminine. I'm sure you've heard of toxic masculinity. Like I mentioned above, there is also toxic femininity, although we don't really talk about it much.
Lower/toxic femininity is often associated with submission, drama, meekness, weakness, being overly emotional or irrational, only excelling at doing work in the home or around situations that require nurturing or giving, the Madonna (she is pure and valued because she is a mother, the "ultimate success" for a woman) or whore (she is a sexual object and therefore dirty or bad) archetypes, obsessed with outer appearance and vanity, etc.
So it's no surprise many feminists have a hard time thinking the feminine energy movement is a good thing. It seems exclusive and it seems fucking regressive.
But that is why I want to spread the word about true feminine energy.
Women are becoming more recognized and respected in a world that was built for and by the masculine energy, and that is something we as feminists want in all areas of our lives. And feminine energy is there willing us along this path to keep moving forward and encouraging us to embody this feminine energy within that masculine paradigm.
It is so vital. Because then we can be recognized for our worth and value as feminine beings too, not just respected and valued for being women who can be in their masculine energy in order to be perceived as being "as capable as any man." When we can do this it will be what changes the masculine paradigm to a more balanced one where both masculine and feminine are valued.
Feminine energy is valuable because it is so different than masculine energy, it needs different things, wants different things, and has different strengths than the masculine.
Feminine energy wants us to be treated with equal value and worth, but honored for the ways we are not the same. Because those differences bring strength to the whole and challenge us to expand in our understanding and experiences.
So to bring it full circle to the original question I asked like ages ago - what's so wrong with being in masculine energy?
But it depends on the context and situation that you are trying to apply your masculine energy to, and how it makes you feel in the short term and the long term.
Learning about true feminine energy, how it looks, how it feels, how it works, takes time. Especially when we have been raised to know zip about it. It's a different way of relating to yourself and the world.
If you are feeling resistant to being in your feminine energy ask yourself if you are resistant because either of those reasons above.
And then take a breath and tell yourself it's ok. You don't have to do anything with your feminine energy just because I freak out every week in an email telling you how fucking cool it is and how much you're gonna love it. Have compassion for yourself as you learn about this stuff. You can take a step back whenever you want to and that will be totally ok and probably exactly what you need.
Continuing to learn and explore and try things on to see if they work for you is totally valid and a part of the process.
Your questions about all of this are great so keep sending them.
Until next week,